Oblivious (Un)Balance

In college I had a phase where I would go "snowboarding" with my friends.  This was the thing to do and I was willing to try it.  I forgot that there was one big problem with that plan.  I have absolutely no balance.  When we got to the mountain and the ski rental dude asked me "Are you goofy or regular?" I looked at him like a deer in headlights. I had to think about it and I second guessed what I was.  To this day I have no idea if I am goofy or regular!

Eventually I would go up the mountain with my board and try to make my way down.  It was a nightmare and on my 3 or 4th trip I simply gave up.  I took my boots off my board and rode it like a sled all the way down.  It was ridiculous. My time snowboarding was finished.  

It really shouldn't have been a surprise to me.  When I was a kid I had a similar incident with a skateboard.  As a kid, my cousins house would have bikes, scooters, and my nemesis a bright green skateboard. 

Not the board, but from google and this looks exactly like my nemesis!

I don't know who's skateboard this was.  I was barely 4 or 5 when I had my traumatizing experience with it.  My uncle probably got it from a friend or it was gifted to my cousin Sean who would've been 6 or 7.  I remember my older cousins Norm and Bryan would take turns on it.  They made it looks so simple!  Charlie and I would kneel on it and kick with our other legs, using the board like a scooter.  

I was tired of kneeling and decided I could do what my older cousins did. I could stand up on the green monster and ride it like a big kid.  I was wrong. i was so wrong.  My toddler oblivious legs got up and pushed on the board and then I remember my whole body flying in the air and landing on my ass.  The other kids I was with were riding bikes around the neighborhood, so no one saw me fall.  I proceeded to dust myself off and get back on the green monster.  I steadied my leg on the board and tried to kick off and repeated my trick of having my whole body fly in the air and landing on my ass again.  This time an older cousin did see me fall and went up to me.  Tears followed and I eyed the green monster with disdain.  

The board would sit in the garage.  I'm not sure anyone learned how to ride it.  Give kid oblivious a bike and I would jam on it.  A scooter? No problem.  The green monster? FUCK THAT NOISE.  

I've seen a resurgence of this board and even thought about buying one.  I thought, "I'm a grown up! I can do this! I can learn how to ride one of these things."  Strawberry Farm Boy's response? "Who's taking you to the hospital when you fall and crack your head open? Do you have good insurance?"

Yes I do have insurance and he should be the one to take me to the hospital! But frankly cracking my head open does not sound appealing.  Plus my memories of my nemesis, the green monster, came flooding back.  This Oblivious Nerd Girl has no balance. I can wish all I want that I did, but skateboards, snowboards, etc. Not for me.  I can barely balance my life, let alone myself on something with wheels.  I'll just enjoy skateboarding videos and call it a day.  

Oblivious (Un)Balance Out